I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm at about main and main street
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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