I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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