plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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