Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
