I am in a vortex of obligation.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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