take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
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Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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