I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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