How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
