I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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