You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
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I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
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Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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