my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So gin and wine won't be happening again
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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