My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
