My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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