I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
