Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
