so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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