NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
