u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
