it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The adults are the big ones right?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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