Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
