she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
