I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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