Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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