Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
