So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
