im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
