she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
