I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
