Do you still have your period?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
