matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
