Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
