Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
