He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
