she woke up with a sticky ear
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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