so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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