I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
