so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
