erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
