Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
