yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
