batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
