Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
