I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
