I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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