i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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