I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
