anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
