So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
