Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
