i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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