Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
