I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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