turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
