Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Lo siento on account of my penis...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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