is your mom at the bar?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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