if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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