yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
