I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
