I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think my moral compass just broke
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
