Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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