I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
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I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
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I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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