Kiss
Puke
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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