is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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