looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
