Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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