i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
