So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
